Walking by Faith

I have to trust that everything is happening in divine right order.  I've had trouble sleeping lately. Wait, let me be as accurate as possible.  I have been waking up very early, around 5:00 am, consistently, for about 2 - 3 months.  I know!  It's crazy.  I have asked myself whether God is trying to tell me something!  Can you believe it?  Oftentimes, I believe that the UNIVERSE is speaking to me, however, in this instance, of waking up, I have wondered whether it is GOD trying to tell me something.  "Kinaya, get up and move!"

"Things" have been coming together for me, I feel, however, I still don't see where I will be or should be.  I know this is common at mid-life but that knowing does not do much to relieve my anxiety or perhaps it does on some level.

I have been busy with my National Delegate campaigning and training for Danskin.  Like most projects with which I become involved, I have become OBSESSED with succeeding.  Certainly, I have my own definition of success, however, even my relaxed standards require that I jump into a thing with EVERYTHING--all creativity, commitment, energy, gear, thought, hope, prayer...  I never give 100%.  I fear that my 100% would kill me.  

I want to keep my promise to Charles Clark and all the freedmen of Texas but the odds are against me and I won't beat myself up if I am not elected.  I am not going to call folk at their homes or go door-to-door.  I've done the basics, covered my bases, and feel that I have made a respectable effort.  Hopefully, the ghosts of the freedmen will not haunt me!  I want to honor Clarksville.  Every time I think I'll be okay with not going to Denver, my stomach turns.  Yikes!

I swam for 30 minutes at last Wednesday's training out at Mansfield Dam--an unprecedented accomplishment for me.  I went out to Barton Springs on Friday to improve or at least repeat that but couldn't get my rhythm.  Oh!  So disappointing!  The swim portion of Skeese Tri was 300 meters.  The swim distance for Danskin is 750 meters!  750 meters!  That equals one half mile.  

I'm anxious.  I should not be anxious.  I had these same fears when I first decided to complete a marathon.  I know that I can do it.  I have to accept that I set goals and achieve them.  I have to embrace the fact that I am closer to completing an Ironman than I was before.  Ironman seems a little bit wacky but the fact still remains that I am CLOSER than I ever was!  

My phone interview with the Obama Organizing Fellows left me hollow.  It was brief.  I rambled.  I was over-eager and to be quite honest, I'm not sure that I have 6 weeks to dedicate! If chosen, I wouldn't even be in Texas.  I assumed that I would be registering young people right here in Texas.  I don't think anyone believes that Texas is primed and ready to be a BLUE state. I jokingly said, "Send me anywhere but Florida!"  I don't know if that was a good idea.

Thank you for stopping by!  I am really rambling on.  I must remember how incredibly blessed I am.  I was not born with a silver spoon in my mouth.  I cannot forget how it is for most of the rest of the world.  I don't want to forget that and become a useless, self-absorbed, egomaniac.  I desire to help someone.  You know what they say, "Charity begins at home!"  Ha!

I am officially a TRIATHLETE!

It's been way too long since I've updated you on my training!  I completed a triathlon last Sunday.  As a writer, I should be able to tell you how tremendous it was for me to come out of the water alive but with a picture like this...who needs words?!

It was a 300 meter swim in the nastiest water I've ever seen besides sewage.  It was dark green to dark brown, "stuff" wrapped around my legs, and it smelled like rotten eggs.  People had mud on their faces when they got out!  I shed one quick anxiety tear before getting in the water but did it anyway which is the whole point!  Here I am BEFORE the swim.  Can you see the nervousness?

John was there for me the entire time.  I cannot say enough about his support.  I could not complete these goals without him.  He's the most supportive friend I've ever had and HAVE! He's a joy in my life!  Dang!  I need to start returning the favor.

Listen, after the swim, it was all easy going, downhill for me.  I know how to ride a bike and have no problem with walking although I should be running.  So, it was a 300 m swim, 11 mile bike, and a 2 mile run.

It was utterly fantastic!

Guess what.  YOU'RE NEXT!!!

See you out there!

Open Water Swim

I had my first Open Water Swim today with the Tough Cookies. Let me tell you something, I was almost going to play hooky.  I did not want to be out in no doggone Lake Travis.  I simply was NOT feeling it but how else do you complete a triathlon if you hate swimming and are terribly bad at it?!

I went.  I'm always the first to arrive.  It was an overcast, cool, windy day.  Great.  The water was green, a bit murky, and cold. Terrific.  But I reluctantly got in.  I was freezing, initially, and having major anxiety about being the weakest swimmer, about not having my husband there to save me, about this, about that.  There was some big league whining going on. I could not nearly keep up with everyone.  There are some strong swimmers in the group but I made progress.  It's a grand accomplishment for me to be in anybody's lake at any given time, not to mention on a cool, windy day WITHOUT my husband.  I am hopeful.  I shall not relinquish the dream just yet!

The strong swimmers hung out in the water to discuss technique, etc. and guess what.  Some of them had LEECHES on them when they got out!  Yes, tiny blood-sucking leeches!  I nearly had a heart attack when I mistook a wood chip/mulch on the bottom of my foot for a leech.  Sure, everyone got a big kick out of that but that's okay!  There were no leeches on me!  I was in that water much longer than I had planned to be but by the grace of the Almighty, there were no leeches on me.  It would have been a mess.  I most definitely would have embarrassed myself.

That brief swim took a lot out of me.  I came home and took a two hour nap.  I suppose I needed it.  It was a fitful sleep because I was listening to the pundits in the Situation Room and dreaming of Barack--in a concerned supporter way, not in the "that Senator sure is fine!" kind of way that I used to dream about him. It's all good.

Also, I attended a Democracy for Texas meeting.  Life is delivering "Aha moments!" like nobody's business.  It's going to take a miracle and lots of hard work for me to go to Denver.  I've got to get to it.  Tons of people want to go, are ready to go, deserve to go, and are willing to campaign hard to get there.  I am sending out my first touch tomorrow!  Pray for me!

In closing, the last of my Great Uncles has passed away.  Mr. Elmon Nelson was from Hemphill, Texas.  I think he may have been the oldest boy.  There was my Great Grandmother, Pearlie, Aunt Edna Mae, Aunt Artie Mae, Uncle Elmon, Uncle Eddie, Uncle WT, and Uncle Alvin.  Uncle Eddie lost his leg in "the War."  Uncle WT was my favorite.  He was always chewing on a cigar.  I new Aunt Edna Mae and Uncle Alvin the most and of course, Pearlie, is the mother of my mother's mother.  All of them meant the world to me.  This is the tough thing about life.  We all have to face this same challenge.  It's bittersweet.  It's painful but we keep going.  Right?  Of course we do.