I had a meltdown, which I should have expected during this Trial by Fire, but I wasn't ready for it. Basically I went a little ballistic via email. I can't remember when it happened because time is so strange for me lately but I think I may have mentioned it during Day 16's post. It happened somewhere between Day 16 and I apologized on Day 18 and re-apologized on Day 19. Ugh. I am SO over being an Angry Black Woman. By the way, white women have assured me that they also have anger issues it's just not labeled as anything beyond "bitch". At any rate, I am seeking peace with my whole heart. Like I said, I want to stand up for myself, justice and others but I want to do it with a cool head. I want to own my peace in the face of adversity--big or small.
Lately, I've blamed my outbursts on hormones. Hmmm, maybe. I have given these hormones all the power in my mind and now I'm taking back the power. On the very day (Day 16) that I said I wanted to be the kind of person that cut people some slack, I followed it up with the most outrageous behavior! I don't believe this is a coincidence. I asked the Universe/God to change my heart and it is happening. I acted out and had to go back and apologize. I made someone else feel badly. I was a bully. Just when I started to get full of myself, the Universe showed me myself. I think I've learned this lesson. I hope I don't get tested!
I am extraordinary. Now all I have to do is live it and I fully intend to so.
I'm off to Bikram!
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
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